How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
