Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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