# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
be right there i have to get my cape
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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