Small penises have feelings too.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
