Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
