I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
