Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
