Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
