Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
