Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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