You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude i'm inner monologue high
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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