Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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