you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
