This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it glows. i had to have it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
