Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
