Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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