can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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