Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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