Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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