My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I intend to get homeless drunk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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