I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Someone came in the potted fern
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
