Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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