Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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