Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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