i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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