took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
