We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
