Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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