One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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