Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
