Your dad touched me again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
