Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can text with my tongue
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
