smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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