how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
