I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
