So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
