is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You took a bar mat shot.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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