My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
