so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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