A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
