I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
