I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
