remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
