Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
