Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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