Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
