ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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