At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
