Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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