If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
