He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Blood and glitter go together right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
