i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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