So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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