I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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