There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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