The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
