life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
