life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
