Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
