Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
