Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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