well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
