somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
