The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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