Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize