ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
